Finding My Self

11 02 2013

A year ago I was about to celebrate my 39th Birthday.  I knew in my heart that I wanted to acknowledge that this last year of my 30’s was somehow monumental, and special, but I was sad.  My husband and kids and I had emigrated to Seattle four years before, and every birthday or anniversary made me feel so unbearably homesick for South Africa, my parents, my brother, my friends. I felt frustrated that I wasn’t able to practice my Social Work profession in the US, and somehow even my “Life Coaching” practice seemed like a no starter. Yes, you could say that behind the smile, there was an ache and a sadness that nothing could shift.

And then one day I was in the drive-through Starbucks line, thinking about how many people knew the real me, when I had an idea. What if I brought the person behind me a cup of coffee? Just a random act of kindness, to actually brighten my day.  Oh I’ll readily admit, it was totally selfish. But then something happened! My life started to shift. One of my dear friends called me and told me about The Birthday Project. She had seen something on Pinterest about this amazing woman, Robyn Bomar, who lives in Florida, who had done 38 Acts of Kindness for her birthday.

I was literally hit by a revelation. The inspiration to do good to celebrate being alive and being human! My first Birthday Project was like ‘touching the hands of God’ because my birthday became about Love and Service and Giving as opposed to being about me.

And from that day onwards I put out an intention into the Universe. I wanted to be what my Soul expected of me… honest and kind and genuinely caring. I started sending out Affirmations on Facebook, more often than not, just to get me through the day. I started to talk about what I believed in and stood for… things like anti-bullying and compassion for all beings. I started to become true to who I was and not listen to the ‘noise’ around me so much any more. And so, my Year of Transformation began.

I do not “do Kindness” for the recognition or the acknowledgement. (Although I have found that the world sometimes thinks that you are disingenuous or have an ulterior motive when you do.) I am loving because that is my Soul’s Song. It makes me happy to give. It makes me smile to see someone else feel loved, and it connects me to my Grace and to my highest potential. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than when someone else is inspired to do the same.

And now, a few weeks before my 40th Birthday I know that I am living my Peace, Love, and Joy. In the words of my favorite Rascal Flatts song ” I hope you never look back, but you never forget, All the ones who love you in the place you left. I hope you always forgive and you never regret, And you help somebody every chance you get. Oh you find God’s grace, in every mistake, And always give more than you take.”

Thanks for reading this!