Roar

16 11 2013

My daughters are in love with the Katy Perry song, Roar. They play it almost every night when we have our family after dinner dance marathon. The joys of having girls! You never stop being reminded to dance. When I was a dancer about a million years ago, I used to love to listen to the words and make up stories of the romantic and exciting people I would meet some day.

But, as I watch my girls dance, I notice something. The music they love is about being empowered, strong, fearless and kind human beings. No damsels in distress for them.

The words they listen to are:

I got up. Already brushing off the dust. Hear my voice. I am a champion. You’re going to hear me ROAR!!!!

And I believe them!!!!

And then I look at myself. And at forty years of age I feel my protective layer shedding. I have no reason to be insignificant or to keep my armor up. You see, I stand for something, finally, in my life. And that means that I  can ‘Dance through the fire’. I am happy to be transparent and vulnerable and oh, the forbidden word from my adolescent years, INTENSE!!! My name is Sharice Noik Belikoff, and I am Intense. WOOHOO!!! (There, I celebrate it!)

And here’s the very best part. The people I want by my side, they are intense too and gorgeous, powerful world-changers. They are brave and honest and they bleed and they hurt sometimes, but that’s ok. They stand up and speak up for what is Universally right… like love, acceptance and generosity of spirit. And when the rest of the world calls them ‘Dreamers’ they say, Thank You! And when they need a hand they’re not scared to say so.

And then there are those, who come to me quietly. They look me in the eyes and I see their pain and their beauty. And they see mine. I love those people too. I know that they are on the Journey. And although it may be a private journey it is a journey nonetheless. And I am so moved when they tell me that something I said has touched them. That is when I know I’m on the right track. And I give that glory to God for, as one of my wise friends has said, He put it there!

So let me say this: Life is an honor! Life is intense. And funny. And scary. And crazy. And glorious!

I, personally, wouldn’t have it ANY other way.

So, I’ll just keep on showing up, because that is my ROAR.

 

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Enough! Way more than enough!

1 11 2013

Dear Courtney and Tayla,
I am sitting at my computer watching a video for the third time about moms and their children talking about each other. All the moms say the same thing. I wish I could be more patient with my kids, I wish I could be more present, or confident or not lose my temper as much. I wish I were a better mother! Then, a few days later, they bring the kids in, and they tell the kids to describe their moms. The kids say, my mom is awesome, kind, pretty, smart, cooks for me, cares for me, and so on. The moms watch this and they cry!!!
And every time I watch this video I cry. I cry for all the moms out there and for all the little girls who will be moms. I cry because of those two words. Never Enough!!! We all think we are never enough. Good enough, Smart enough, Thin enough, and it goes on and on…
My babies, I am privileged to be the kind of person people talk to. And every one of those moms says the same thing to me… They say, I am so tired trying to be the way I wish I could be!!! Sometimes, I too wish that I could be the perfect mom…
Yesterday was Halloween. I like Halloween. I like the neighborhood camaraderie and the parties where the adults drink too much ‘apple cider’. Most of all though, I like being with you and seeing you walk our neighborhood with such joy on your faces! But, yesterday I knew that three weeks after surgery, I would not be partying or trick or treating with you for a couple of hours or really doing much of anything. But, we got you dressed up, did your makeup (the only time in the year I let you wear makeup) and as I kissed you goodbye, to go to your parties and to do your candy conquering, I felt sad. I sat down… and yes, I cried. Because, I wished I could be strong enough to go out with you.
At nine a clock, you two bounded in the door. You took one look at me, with my pale, tired face, and you both said the words, Those words: Mommy, you are the best mommy any child could ask for. Thank you for being there for us, Mommy we love you!!! The candy was forgotten. The makeup was gingerly removed. You lay next to me in my bed and just cuddled until we all fell asleep. Despite that I truly believed that I had failed ten minutes before, you had just said that I hadn’t. You knew. I was enough! Because, I am your mom and you are my girls.
My prayer for you… When you grow up, please may you never doubt, not even for a minute, that you are enough. Because, you are way, way more than enough.
I love you.
Your Mom.
PS. It’s Thanksgiving soon, and you know what, I like Thanksgiving even more than Halloween!!!