Mystic and Missionary.

29 01 2014

“Who are you in the stillness of the night, the dusty corners of your day, or in the sigh of the deepest breath?” -Meg Lawton.

In the stillness of the night I am a forty-something year old woman worrying about losing those extra pounds. In the dusty corners of the day, I am a mother, thinking about my daughter who is starting Middle School, or about whether to let my girls play premier league soccer or what I will make for dinner, or how to balance the budget.

And in the sigh of my deepest breath:

I an a soul seeker searching for the next road sign in my journey.
I am a lighthouse, sometimes bright and sometimes dim.
I am a daughter who wishes that her parents did not live so far away.
I am a feeler of so many feelings (even though they are sometimes not even my own).
I am a humanitarian; loving people deeply, yet feeling deeply saddened by those very people;
I am a writer and a poet, but the words keep flowing in, and then ebbing away. I cannot catch them no matter how hard I try,
I am the same and yet I am very different.
I try too hard sometimes.
I get angry and depressed and a little crazy. Often!
I am happy when I’m helping and healing and living my truth;
My friends are beautiful women, each one of them. I see the beauty in them, but not so much in myself.
I tell myself that I don’t need anyone to make me ‘whole’ but then again, I wonder… perhaps brokenness never really heals.
I feel God close by all the time, yet I get lost in my head and sometimes lose my heart. I guess We all do!
I wish and I wonder and I dream and I know, but I am not always sure why I do all those things.
So, who am I? Who are we all?
And this is what I realized today. If my prayer to God is to Use Me to do His Work, well, then, THAT is really my mission on this Earth.
My name is Sharice and I’m a Mystic and a Missionary.
Pleased to meet you!


Dear Vulnerability…

28 01 2014

Vulnerability! The reason I find this topic so interesting is because it’s a little like that ‘weird cousin’ we all have. We like to pretend we like her, but we’re not really all that comfortable around her. She makes us feel a little crazy, different, strange when we speak about her, as if the world is a little off kilter. So I decided to write her this letter:

Hi Vulnerability,

How are you? I hope you are well. The last time we spoke I promised that we would get together real soon. Unfortunately life gets busy, you know. Work, kids, friends, sports every weekend (the normal stuff).

I have a confession to make. Sometimes, it’s just easier not to think about you. To wake up at 6, and go to bed at 11, and not do anything particularly remarkable in between. Sometimes just being in the car doing carpools all day just saps all the energy right out of me. Sometimes doing laundry makes me mad, like, Why can’t I just skip the laundry, for only one week, please? but then I guess my family would be walking about naked, which isn’t a very good idea, and which brings me back to you… Vulnerability!

Vulnerability, I’ll hear a piece of music, or I read something in a book, or blog, or have an awesome conversation with my kids or my husband or a friend… And, then there YOU are, And I’m feeling ‘it’ again. The V-world… Vulnerability!!!

I remember when I was ten. I used to write poems. I’d be excited to share my poems with my classmates, as if they were some treasure that if I did not share with the world, then they would somehow cease to exist or be lost forever. My wonderful fifth grade teacher, Mrs Z, used to encourage me to write, write, write. And then stand up and read my poems to the class. I recently found one of my poems, called, “Life, A Rose“… all about (you guessed it) how life is so beautiful but how it can really hurt too. How I knew this at ten, seriously, I’ll never know!

I’d love reading my poems, until I finished one, and then, well, then, the Vulnerability snake would strike. I’d feel awful and different, and I’d want to spend the rest of the day curled up in a ball.

Fast forward thirty years, 2014. Hello Facebook, and Twitter. Hello blogs, and posts, and comments and shares…

Every single day I wake up, and think, “NO more Facebook!”. (If I could give up meat and chicken for fifteen years, and even sugar, caffeine, carbohydrates, and dairy, for months on end, Why can I not give up Facebook?)

Well, I think I may know the answer. There is this one thing which helps me with you, Vulnerability. Its called Connection! Let me tell you this. Connection is pretty rare. It doesn’t find you every day and sometimes not for days on end. But then, out of the blue, there is this spark of light, and BAM, It’s bright!! Yes, it is… A shining, glowing Connection! This is what excites me… those who are also on their own Journeys of Authenticity, Whole heartedness and Courage. Trust me, I sometimes wish that You, Vulnerability (the dreaded V word for too many years) would just go away.

But, maybe, just maybe, You are really a GOOD thing. A dear friend! Something to be honored and admired and respected!!!

And so, Yes, You still scare me a little, but that is why I write. Because every time I welcome you in to my life, I kinda like you just a little bit more!! You teach me to live my words from so long ago:

” Does that mean no more?

No way, my friend,

You pick yourself up,

You smile again…

You reach out,

And you touch someone!”

Stay Strong Vulnerability! Stay Strong!